Apparently, Earth girls are easy.This was supposed to be a funny post, but I can't think of anything funny...
It's my father's birthday and we haven't talked in months.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Why are we so stubborn?
It's his birthday. I can't even say, "happy birthday."
My mum came into my room and told me to give him a hug.
But, you know, I can't, not when we go months like this.
We're the same, only opposites attract.
It's as if this repulsion grows between us and it's magnetic, out of my control.
i love how honest you are my dear. relations with people are messy. do not fret. <3
ReplyDeleteThings don't change, Zaynah, unless you want them to change. A relationship means effort, it means commitment. If you don't see the point, or don't feel like trying, then don't. Half-hearted words never got anyone anywhere. All I'm saying, is if you want this to change, then say something, stand up. You may not agree, but that doesn't mean you can't coexist. Take it from someone who's seen things change so quickly, they never got that chance to say, "Hey, you know, I want this to work... I love you, we just have to work a little harder than others..." I know admitting these things to your computer is easier than talking to your dad but I hope you realize, he feels as agonzied as you do and he's mad because he loves you, he's mad because he cares. But most of all, he's probably mad because he's scared s***less as to how this is all going to turn out and if things end badly, he'll probably blame himself. I say this because my aunt ran away, without telling her parents where she went and would only communicate with my mother, driving my grandparents crazy all the while my grandmother was sick, on her death bed, clueless as to her child's whereabouts. We are humans, Zaynah, we don't like to feel alone. And when your children abandon you, that's pretty close to feeling alone, especially when you're about to die. My cousin, seven years old, at the cusp of his innocence, died this summer suddenly. And you know what my family does after we remember the good memories? We begin the self-blame, we think back to all the things we did or said that were too harsh or instances where we didn't show how much we cared. Zaynah, reconciling with your father is a hard thing, a big step, but the pain of regret is infinitely worse. Believe, that in the end, his love for you will win out over all of those other frustrated feelings. Family is the one thing you're born with, Zaynah, cherish that. And adding in a happy belated birthday wouldn't be so bad either.
ReplyDeleteI think you know who this is, but just in case, skipathought.