Happy Hall-ee-daze.

Since I don't celebrate Xmas-- I'll skip to New Year's.

There are so many things that you plan on doing every year, ya know?

And then it's almost as if those goals exponentially disappear.

People talk about that happening to them a lot-- making resolutions and not living up to them.

Well, the fact of the matter is that I haven't made an effort to make a list of resolutions since grade school. And I never lived up to those anyways. And this blog entry is not gonna be about me making a list now.

I mean, if I haven't done it yet, don't think I'll do it any time soon. Moreover, I'm pretty sure the people who keep New Year's Resolutions are the same ones that make scrapbooks. But... I guess a blog is an online scrapbook.

Jesus, if I originally looked at it that way, I'd never have started.

So, instead of looking to the future, I decided to look into the past.

Here are some journal entries from 8th grade English, and I guess this kind of fits since I'll be interning at the middle school with my old 8th grade English teacher.

Talking to her today, she made me realize how the grades that followed mine have gotten increasingly mediocre, both in maturity and talent. [Not that the writings that follow this rant are any good...] It seems as though kids don't really develop "friendly" relationships with their teachers anymore. Stupid.

Well, whatever, here are two of my entries from 8th Grade:

[Age 13] 8^th Grade Journal Entries:

If you could choose any animal to represent you, which animal would accurately represent your personality? Why?

I think that an ostrich would best describe my personality. Ostriches are odd birds because they cannot fly and that relates to my personality because, frankly, I am a tad too far from normal. I also want to break free from the tethers of society, but I always seem to get caught in its nets. Ostriches are also big and my personality is very big. I am extremely complex and don’t even think either my closest friends or me know exactly who I am. Ostriches also have a tacky sort of feather color: I myself am extremely tacky. Ostriches also have very large eyes and that intertwines with my personality because I see things that most probably would be better left ignored. Finally, I’d like you to know that although I am odd, I am completely aware of it. I find myself to be very interesting/ spiffy/cool/swell/nifty person.

Teacher notes: I won’t argue! You are weird! I think it is great, though!

Have you ever felt confined physically or emotionally?

Yes, I have felt confined physically and emotionally. Sometimes when I feel confined physically is when my Mum makes me go to fundraisers and “old people” parties. I just have to sit there, minute after minute, hour after hour—being bored and having nothing to do. If I do talk to my sister or someone I know, my Mum tells me to be quiet… It gets really annoying.

Sometimes I feel confined emotionally when I can’t tell someone the truth about something because it will hurt their feelings. For example, when someone asks me to do something with them and I really don’t want to [because I don’t really like them], I still have to say yes or make up something. That way no one’s feelings get hurt.

In conclusion, I do, indeed feel confined physically and emotionally, although the confinement isn’t exactly the average type.

Teacher’s notes: Ha! Ha! You have to go to old people parties!

My conclusion to all this is that I’ve always been eccentric but not in the way that I wrote about. It's like I tried to be weirder than I actually was in order to prove something or be someone "different". There's so much unnecessary self-depricating that teeters on the line of paradox, almost as if I'm boasting about it. But hey, that's middle school, I was insecure and thought that hyperbolic character would make my idiosyncrasies go away. For what it's worth, I learned that that shit doesn't matter. Being fake is stupid and immature and it almost always leads to trouble. Like pretending to have more money than you actually have, and being haughty just to fit in. Man, middle school is nasty-- if Ms. Herbert [8th Grade English teacher] actually considered me "sophisticated and mature" I wonder how bad it is now.

Music I listened to in 8th Grade and made Ms. Herbert listen to:

Dntel - (This is) The Dream of Evan and Chan

Figurine - IMpossible

Rilo Kiley - Science vs. Romance

Deerhoof - Panda Panda Panda